Travels

I'll occasionally visit the places from my past, to see how much I remember, to see how much has changed. I was thinking today about the years I spent in Goshen Kentucky. It would take 12 hours to get there, and I'm almost tempted to make the trip — as much for the journey as the destination.

Paperwork

I used to be so much better about keeping up with the amount of paperwork a small business can create. Every few months, I would dutifully enter the few credit card transactions in a register, so the expenses could be properly tracked and classified. And I was always very careful to keep personal and professional expenses strictly separate. I still enter the sales data every month (with information provided by a fulfillment company), but everything else has fallen into disarray.

Even my personal paperwork — the bills to be paid, forms to be filled out, notes of tasks that need to be attended to — accumulate on my desk. I try to attended to them regularly, but weeks pass before notice is taken.

The past year was a difficult one, with many unexpected (though not altogether unpleasant) distractions. This year has been different — perhaps better in some ways, but I find I'm still trying to rebuild the sense of structure in my life.

Recycle

I bought 100% recycled paper for my Laser Printer today, the first time I can recall seeing it available. It cost about 30% more than regular paper would have, but I think it's well worth the additional expense — and I was curious to try it out. So far, so good.

It isn't as if I go through paper like crazy — I think the box I bought will last six months, if not longer — but I couldn't honestly say that it's always put to best use. (Yesterday may have been the first time I went out of my way to print on the blank side of something I had already printed, and that was only because it was the only paper left in the house.)

Spring

I saw a Robin — two of them, in fact! — today near the playground. A most welcome sign of the change of seasons, though it seemed considerably cooler than the 46 degrees indicated by my iPhone.

This year, more than most, I am anxious for warmer weather.

Procrastination

I am procrastinating today, putting off an important task that needs to be done with a series of less important ways to occupy my time. But at least something is getting done.

Tax

My publishing business is so unsuccessful, I've been giving the option of filing Sales Tax returns on an annual basis, instead of having to do so every few months. (Actually, that both is and isn't true. Most sales I make are to booksellers and distributors rather than to consumers, so I don't tend to collect much in the way of tax.)

I'm excited at this prospect, and the associated reduction in paperwork I'll have to attend to. I once missed a deadline (the paperwork had been delayed in the mail), and had to fight to reverse a $50 late fee in a quarter when I had collected no tax, and owed nothing.

Flowers

I left a bouquet flowers for a friend today, for her birthday. (Carnations are, somewhat inexplicably, her favorite.) It's been so long since I've had the opportunity to surprise someone like this — it felt warm and wonderful, all over again.

Waves

Have you ever had a day when you wanted to let time wash over you? To let the world proceed without notice, to step outside of life and be merely an observer instead of an active participant?

That was today.

Advice

How is it that someone with a less-than-perfect marriage can be relied upon as anyone's trusted advisor where relationship issues are concerned?

Can This Really Be The End?

My five-year-old son and I were listening to Stuck Inside Of Mobile With The Memphis Blues Again, and he wanted to know what the song was about. I told him I wasn't sure — and that Bob Dylan often seemed to write lyrics because he thought the words sounded good together, not necessarily because they told a story.

So he decided it was a song about trucks.

He loves the music of Bob Dylan, a habit inherited from me, particularly Subterranean Homesick Blues. Thankfully, he hasn't asked me to explain what that song is about yet.

Lily

Wise wretch with Pleasures
too refin'd to please;
With too much Spirit
to be e'er at ease...
You purchase Pain
with all that Joy can give.
And die of nothing
but a Rage to live.

Tamiflu

"People with the flu, particularly children, may be at an increased risk of self-injury and confusion shortly after taking TAMIFLU and should be closely monitored for signs of unusual behavior."

How much harm can you do to yourself when you don't even want to get out of bed?

I haven't noticed any ill effects while awake — but my dreams seem stranger, and more fleeting than usual. And as I wake, as I struggle to regain consciousness, I have this sensation of my mind moving rapidly in a different direction entirely, as if a part of my mind is still engaged in dreaming.

Happy Birthday

It's Guy Kibbee's birthday today!

Wednesday

Do you know, I actually thought today was Tuesday? Where did Monday disappear to?

The Flu

I have The Flu, so posting here may temporarily cease while I await a return to coherence.

Found

In an old wooden box, which contains (among many other items) a pocket watch given to me by an old girlfriend, and a letter she wrote after our relationship ended. (Sadly, the pocket watch came to need repair so often that I eventually stopped carrying it.)

I wonder if she had saved this clipping to give to me?

(You can click on the image to see it at actual size. It's Calvin and Hobbes.)

Arrangements

I'm at this curious point in my relationship with someone new, where it's almost as if we're negotiating the terms of a romance. I suppose that's necessary — we're both curious about one another, one might even say eager, and we each know where one another stands (I'm still married, for the moment). But we've both been deeply hurt by someone we loved, and we both have reason to be cautious.

So we flit around the edges, and stumble over the difficult questions, made even more so by so much that we don't feel comfortable saying.

I met her today for coffee, at a small table in a crowded mall. I came to have the odd sensation of being on display — as if people, as if strangers were looking at me and somehow knew exactly what I was thinking. It made the difficult questions even more so. We got so involved in talking, we forgot all about the coffee.

Cookies

I went downstairs to bake cookies, got them all set up and placed them on a cookie sheet, but somehow lost interest while the oven was still preheating. They're finished baking now, and will be ready for tomorrow, which is more than I can say for myself at this point.