Different

"I noticed something is different about the Aspire kids."

That's a specialized program in our school district for children on the Autism spectrum. My son started Kindergarten as part of Aspire, but by First Grade he was spending more and more of his day in a mainstream class — with an aide, at first — an arrangement that continues for his peers that continue to be part of that program. (He's now in Fourth Grade, in a mainstream class, without an aide, and will probably be officially "declassified" as a Special Ed student after this year.)

We explained that they're part of that program because of Autism. We tried — and failed, I think — to give him a good sense of what that means, but we were both taken by surprise by the comment, and it was all we could manage to stumble through an explanation that Autism could be so many different kinds of behaviors in different people -- like the different friends he knows. But mostly, I told him, that just means your brain works a bit differently.

I'm not sure if he understands that he was part of the Aspire program. That's how he knows these kids so well, of course, and a few of them have continued to be his friends, but I don't know if he was aware that he was part of a separate program — as far as he was concerned, it was just "school."

And I'm not sure if he understands that he is Autistic. His peers in the Aspire program are so very different from him (he has been the only student from his class to effectively leave the program), and he hasn't yet made the connection.

We didn't tell him, though perhaps an opportunity presented itself here. Should we have? I honestly don't know. I think I'd like for him to put these pieces together for himself, so we can talk about this when he's ready.

My son is becoming increasingly aware of himself. It's exciting and wonderful, but in that way that can leave you completely unsettled as you think back upon your own difficult adolescence.