Audience

I suppose you can't really complain that you're being "stalked" when you write in a public forum, like a blog — surely that's a risk you must accept.

An old girlfriend (depending on who you ask — see below)* with whom I had a rather melodramatic falling out still reads this from time to time. Or tries to, at least. I have her IP address blocked, but I don't put all that much effort into it, and it's easy to spot when she goes out of her way to find a way around. I'm ambivalent about this — mildly irritated, I suppose (she really should have no cause for curiosity about my life), yet flattered at the interest (even if it has occasionally been expressed in obsessive bursts of activity on the stats).

* I never considered her to be a girlfriend, but I found out after-the-fact that she considered herself to be one — at least, when it became convenient to do so.

She has written to a blog, as well (several in fact — this one is best if you start from the beginning, at the bottom), and it was with some interest last year that I followed the ongoing drama of someone who was apparently stalking her through her blog. (Not that one, though, this was a different blog.) I watched as the comments posted went from familiar — this was obviously someone she knew — to amusingly odd to creepy, then threatening. (I've never understood why she didn't just turn on Comment Moderation.) Wait, who am I kidding? I have no right to ambivalence! I was watching this spectacle with consuming interest, amused that she had once again managed to entangle herself where she ought not to have, as had become her custom when we were still close. ("Walking the border of propriety" was how she phrased it.) Her blog had never been so interesting!

(Any idea of "propriety" had long disappeared by the time our friendship dissolved, but that's a story for another time.)

I tend to avoid too many specific details about my personal life when I write here, not because of her (or whomever else may be reading), but because I jealously guard my privacy and anonymity. I've avoided using my son's name 'till now, for example. (I'll probably continue to avoid doing so.) In fact, I don't use anyone's name — I can't even be bothered to make up fake names.

I've thought about not thinking about it, and I might just stop blocking the site altogether. I don't feel threatened, not really, but part of me is hesitant to surrender that small bit of selectivity over my audience.